What just happened here?
Yesterday we went to a block party in our new neighorhood. Guests were welcome, so we invited our dear friend Leeann to join us. Not having met many of our neighbors, we weren't sure what to expect. Perhaps long discussions about Eichler's and plumbing.
We first met a couple - I'm going to guess they were in their late 30's or early 40's. They had a baby daughter who was very cute, even when she *gasp* knocked over her daddy's beer. He was a bridge engineer, which we learned is similar to a sanitation engineer, in that his job seems to be opening and closing a draw bridge 2 or 3 times a day. We did learn some interesting things from him, such that the counter-lever on the draw bridge on 4th Street (near AT&T Park - or is it SBC Park now?) is actually a replica of the original. It's 20 tons of fiberglass, and was designed by Disney.
Anyhoo - here's the *interesting* part of the story. We were asking how young the baby was (15 months) and then the conversation went something like this:
Neighbor/Mom: Is she your daughter?
Me: (Looking around for a small child but not seeing one)Excuse me?
Neighbor/Mom: Is she your daughter? (Gestures to Leeann)
Leeann: (Laughing) What?!
Me:(Dumbfounded) Uh, no. She's my friend. And I'm younger than her. Wow, I must look really, really bad.
Neighbor/Mom: I'm sorry, I thought you two were a couple (gestures to Alan)
Me: Well, we are, but I don't understand how that makes her my daughter. How old do you think I am?
Neighbor/Mom: Well, I'm sorry, but I could mean that she (Lee) looks really young.
Me: I don't believe this. This sets me back like six months of therapy. I feel really, really bad about myself right now.
Neighbor/Mom: (Gets all defensive. I've forgotten what her lame response was)
Me: I'm really insulted. I have to leave now. (Lee and I walk away and retreive Alan who has wandered off to another group)
I'm so upset at this point that I make Alan get our salad that we've brought to share and we go home.
Yesterday I was livid. I mean really, do I look like I'm 50 or 60? I think that I look my age. I'm okay being in my mid 30's and looking it. Lee thinks best case scenario, she looks 16, and I had her when I was 16, so I'm 32. But the other thing is, even if Lee looks 16 - she is a good 4 - 6 inches taller that Alan and I, and is not pale at all, like Alan and I are. I mean, she looks nothing like us, and somehow she could possibly be our daughter?
Today, I realize that lady is an idiot. Or on drugs or something. No matter how young Lee looks, or old I look, I do not look old enough to have a grown daughter.
Alan wished he would have responded, "Yes, we're very proud. She's 400 months old." and then I would have said, "She's in the 110 percentile for her age group. She's very advanced."
posted by Mir @ 3:18 PM
9 Comments:
also, maybe she was thinking about how cool it is that there are death rays coming off all the fireworks, and that streetlights house secret listening devices. sorry you had to put up with that punkass, princess. you do NOT look old.
The scary thing is, she was never screened by any sort of authority before breeding with her husband, and she should have been because we really need to start culling the weak and stupid.
I adore my friends! I knew this would make good blog material! At least my "daughter" is beautiful and intelligent. Alan and I breed well.
Wait a sec. You mean Leann is not your daughter?
Whoah. Another faux pas avoided.
That's one of the most bizarre conversations I've ever heard (or rather, seen transcribed). Maybe Baby should've tipped over *Mommy's* beer a little sooner.
Mom, can I have a pony? Please? PLEEEEAAASEEEEEE?????
OK, that is beyond absurd. You don't look a day over 48. I mean...
And I do so wish you guys had gone with the 400 months/110th percentile thing. That would have been awesome.
You do NOT look old! AT ALL! Next time I visit you can take me over and introduce Eryn as your granddaughter, though, just to mess with her mind a little.
Leeann - re. the pony. Ask your father.
alas, when i was with my ex gf, people used to ask if we were sisters, or TWINS despite the fact that we look nothing alike. i'm 7 or so inches taller, different body type, different kind of hair, and OH! one of us (her) SPEAKS WITH A NEW ZEALAND ACCENT. the other (me) is american. sometimes we'd just be like 'yes, we were separated at birth.' wtf?
i think sometimes it has to do with people sensing closeness and intimacy but not being able to frame that. in our case, it was the lesbian thing--hmmm, they like each other a lot. must be sisters. oh, they are holding hands. gotta be twins. maybe the dumb lady picked up on your friendship and couldn't quite figure it all out.
hell half the time people don't even realize i'm female. i used to get mistaken for a 16 year old boy all the time. (and carded at places like casinos that were 18 and over...i was in my early 30s).
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